IVF, it's three little letters, but it's not such a little thing. I told my Mom once that any women who makes it to the other side of infertility and IVF have grit. If you weren't made of courage and strength prior, you will be once you come out on the other side. Infertility grows your spirit in ways that most cannot imagine. In this case, it really takes one to know one.
There are many, many disheartening aspects of struggling with infertility and, for me, one of the biggest disheartening aspects is how family engages in this process with you and your spouse. In all honesty, for the most part, a lot of our family has not been engaged or validating of our struggle. This has really been a storm that we have had to weather together, which I guess is a good thing because the more I went through it, the more I just wanted it to be shared with Kevin. It became an intensely personal experience for me and Kevin was the only one who REALLY knew my heart when it came to this struggle. And there were some not so pretty parts of my heart that had to be exposed so I could gain God's perspective as I learned to use the gifts of perseverance and motivation that God gave me.
Nonetheless, I may have had a different perspective if our family was really engaged and concerned with what we were going through on a weekly basis. It's just three little letters, IVF, that are really easy to type into Google and learn more about, but we didn't feel most, if any, really put much thought into what we had to go through to get where we are today. Our experience was quite hellish.
I'm not sure why our family wouldn't want to be more involved, and I even had this conversation with my Mom. My Mom actually brought it up to me and said that since she never had a similar experience she just couldn't "get" the intense heartache I often shared with her and she felt disconnected from me and my struggle. Wow. There were no similar conversations with anyone else, most other family members were content to just wait for us to offer details about where we were in" getting pregnant." Not exactly validating when we were completely heartbroken, literally bleeding money, mentally and emotionally EXHAUSTED, having to keep our relationship guarded through weekly counseling sessions (more money required), not to mention the fact that I was literally in a doctor's office every single week traveling all over the metroplex either getting blood drawn, waiting on a second opinion, being monitored through ultrasound, or hoping to be told I was pregnant for 2 years. It was an absolutely arduous process that I would not wish upon anyone. And to not have your family validate these struggles, there are no words and this really hurt both Kevin and I. We aren't camping on these feelings because you have to accept the relationships and people in your life as they are. Sometimes, there is no sense in wishing things were different because sometimes people are the way they are.
But, in a perfect world, a note to those who may know someone or have someone in their family who is struggling with infertility or going through IVF, be involved with the process and help to validate their struggle. Their struggle is very real, it is something they are living on a daily basis and it is affecting their life in numerous and very deep ways. Don't be afraid to ask them questions about it, most will open up more than you think. They want to share, they need an outlet!
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