Funny story. As I stumbled my way to the potty for one of my many pee pee trips in the middle of the night, I was struck with an epiphany. Maybe it was the act of trying to navigate my way through sleeping dogs on the bathroom floor, trying to find the actual potty to sit on all while in the dark and listening to my husband 'sleep crack his knuckles'. My husband doesn't sleep walk; however, he does crack his knuckles religiously every night while in a deep mid-night slumber. And he does all ten fingers, never missing one. I find this highly annoying most nights as it wakes me up almost every night.
However, last night, I found it quite amusing as it was coupled with my sleepy stupor and the fun of making yet another potty trip in the middle of the night which always reminds me that I'm still pregnant. Thank goodness for glowing lights radiating from my husband's plug-in razor in the bathroom.
So there I was having finally arrived at my destination, the potty, and I sat there literally zonked out with my eyes closed and barely awake while listening to the sound of my hubby's favorite sleepy-time activity, cracking his knuckles. On this night it evoked a small chuckle from me. It's so weird that he does it, yet it's kinda oddly funny at the same time.
Anywho, I completed the task at hand, made my way back through the bathroom avoiding stepping on Julian sleeping in his bed ( yes, he prefers to sleep in the bathroom. I have no idea why. This is a new thing.) and then missed Kelsey sleeping in her bed right next to my side of the bed on the floor and then fell back in bed myself, but not before I had a few more lingering thoughts that my brain was obviously working out.
I have still been having fleeting moments where I feel overwhelmed by the fact that our entire lives will become completely engulfed with caring for a living being in 3 and a half months. Relatively speaking, this is REALLY SOON and this freaks me out!
Our lives as we know it will never ever be the same again come March. This is a very overwhelming thought. I know we will adjust and this is probably a very normal feeling for a lot of first time moms'. In a split second everything from how crowed it is in the house, to our house being full of baby gear, to how in the world I'm going to manage four dogs, one of which is a complete nut who doesn't have the best track record with kids, to the dynamic Kevin and I have together, it will all change.
We will no longer be able to come and and go as we please, our finances will further be impacted (scary. I don't know if we can take much more "impact"), I will slip into 'mom-mode' for a while, and any dutiful sociological study will show that marriage happiness plummets with the birth of a first child and only decreases as your family grows and doesn't start to increase again until the kids start to get a little older. These are all real things that take place in a virtual instant. I know most every couple who welcomes a baby into their world deals with most of these things, but if you sit and think about how much change is about to be inflicted upon your world, it's scary. I'm deathly afraid of most kinds of change, so this is probably why my subconscious is working through my little freak- out moments. So my epiphany, I guess it's better not to devote too much of my waking time to thinking about 'all this change' that is coming, but instead just validate it all, know that it's coming, and let it happen and evolve on its own.
Funny thing, Kevin hasn't expressed a lot of the same concerns. He has expressed some concerns about the looming responsibility of being being the sole provider of a family and having to make sure all of our needs are met, I think in guy land this is a big deal for men. As a matter of fact, I know it is. But beyond the financial aspect, he doesn't seem scared or overwhelmed about all the change that is headed our way. This is why I love Kevin, he often balances me out and talks me off the ledge.
On another positive note, Teen Mom 2 premiers tonight! WHOO HOOO! So excited. Kevin and I are addicted to this show and have followed all of the girls for a long time. Can't wait!
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