POAS ( Pee on a stick) ADDICT!!

So today was the day that I have been waiting for the last year and a half. Ironically, today came after a not so good yesterday. A day where my heart was so sad. I sat with Kevin serving in the baby nursery at church with a broken heart. I looked around at all the babies, changed the diapers of newborns, and wiped away drool as I listed to all of the other volunteers talk about their own children and their future plans for havng more kids. My eyes welled up with tears, but I managed to force them away from rolling down my face in public. This morning was started with a negative pregnancy test. I was once again feeling defeated. I guess I was planning on defeat because it was a common feeling month after month.

After leaving the baby nursery we moved through the church lobby and I surveyed the room. There was pregnant women everywhere! I mean everywhere! Cute, big pregnant women, too! Kevin would whisper to me, " geez, another one..", as another one passed in front of us. My heart was just breaking. We then catch up with a few couple friends, all while they are all holding their babies. They are all asking us how our IVF cycle is going. I am literally choking back tears as I even talk about it. I desperately want to beam myself right out of the room. I'm not sure why I was so sensitive, but I was, and I just couldn't handle everything that was around me.

We finally made it to service and it was just the service for me. It was about changing your perspective in life. To stop making things so difficult and to "lose control": stop being a control freak, because you can't really control anything. It's all up to God anyway. Boy, was Brandon speaking to me. Holy cow! So I sat through service with my husband who had no idea what in the world was wrong with me, and me crying through a lot of the service.  Although I didn't leave feeling brand new, it did offer me food for thought: something to chew on. It's funny because a couple of days before this service I was just praying to God that I knew I needed a perspective change. I knew it was an attitude thing. I told God that I didn't know where to start on changing my perspective. And here this message was being given to me.

The next morning, today, I wake up to dutifully take my home pregnancy test. ( It's truly a sickness, I tell ya) So I wake up to use FMU and set the test on my night stand and lay back in bed. I'm totally assuming it's negative. I lean over to check it a few times and don't see anything. 30 minutes later I finally decide to get up for the day and take a final look before I toss it. I see something. What?! It's barely there, but I really think I might see something. But, of course, it could be because I let it sit for 30 min. I promptly retest. A second line again. This one comes up right away and I think I see some pink in it, although it's very, very pale and faint. Hmm.....

I had an appt. today and some errands to run. I really need some quality HPT's to test with. I pick some up while I'm doing errands. I purposefully don't drink anything and don't pee so I could have a "good" pee. hahaha. I buy lots of tests, some of them are the ones that say "pregnant" or "not pregnant". I get home and immediately test with one of these cool tests. It comes back " pregnant"!

You can't really tell in this picture, but all of these tests are positive. Obvioulsy you can see the "Pregnant" ones though!


Holy cow!!!! This is like the best feeling in the world. I am under strict orders from Kevin that I'm not to tell him if we get a postive test if he is at work or school. He really wants to be here with me when I test. Well, that didn't happen, but I avoided the temptation and avoided calling him immediately or sending him a picture of the test. I don't want to ruin the moment for him. This is not just my moment, but both of ours.

Kevin andI  reguarly tell each other we have "prizes" for one another and pick up something special for one another or do something unexpected for the other. This is usally something small, but thoughtful. For example, Kevin brought me hom my FAVORITE candy bar the other day. It is one that is really difficult to find and one I rarely get to have.  We usually tell each other at some point in the day that we have a "prize" waiting for them. It adds a little excitement to the day and we both look forward to our little prize. It's a fun thing we do. Anyway, I told Kevin this afternoon that I had picked him up a prize while I was out doing errands. So he is looking forward to it.

The Prize: A creative way to tell him he's going to be a Daddy. The first thing Kevin does when he gets home is go straight to the closet and take off his dress clothes. So I cleared out a big space in the closet where all of his clothes hang. Right in the middle of the clothes bar I typed up a "letter to daddy". The header reads " HELLO, DADDY! I'm movin' in so it's time to make some room. March will be here before you know it!"  Of course he's going to head straight for me after he reads this. I'm then going to have two positive pregnany tests that read " pregnant" in each hand hidden behind my back . I'm going to tell him to pick a hand and give him the positive test as his "prize".  Can't wait!! I want this moment to be special for him. I mean, I get to carry the baby with me all the time and I get to feel the entire experience. So I want to make this as memorable as possible for him. He is jsut as ready to be a Dad and I am to be a Mom.

This is the first thing Kevin saw when he got home to help break the news.....

I am feeling soo amazingly blessed! I give all the glory to God. I know God heard all of the many, many prayers that were prayed over these sweet babies. I am soo grateful that God has given us such an awesome, crazy-good miracle! I will continue to pray that our baby (s) hold on tight and doesn't let go for the next 9 months!