Sad Days

I mentioned last week that we euthanized one of our dogs, Miss Kelsey. It's been a week and a half since she has been gone, and I picked up her ashes this week. What a flood of emotion that was knowing I was carrying my sweet Kelsey in a box, and it's because of a conscious choice we made. Man, the heart break. There is just no easy way to get through this one. BUT, in the time that she has not been here with us, I noticed my stress level immediately decrease. I guess managing her with the boys was more of a stress than we even knew. We did the  very best by Kelsey her entire life, and even in the end. We worked diligently to ensure even her last moments were peaceful, happy, she felt loved, and she left this Earth without any pain or knowing what was happening to her.

Seeing as I have attended hundreds of euthanasia's of pets in the past, I knew exactly what was going to take place, and also knew what to ask for and request even if it wasn't standard protocol in order to ensure it all went as smoothly as possible. And although I was not there with her, I prepared Kevin well for all he would see and what to expect from the process, and he handled it like a champ. My poor Kevin. He did come home quite a mess though. It is so hard to see one of your beloved pets take their last breath. But, she's free from aggression and a wonky skitzy personality and running the fields along side God. She knows she was loved and I have no doubt God is letting her know all we went through to try to make things work with her, and, in the end, to ensure we chose the best thing for her too.

Getting her ashes back yesterday was bitter sweet. Sweet because it brings me peace to have her back home and to know ' we still have her'. But bitter for the obvious reason that it puts it all right back in the forefront of your mind. I had a good cry as I left the vet's office yesterday as I brought her back home. It felt good. As a family we've decided to leave her ashes on the mantle for a bit until we've done some more mourning. Kevin ordered the most beautiful box for her, too. Such a fitting ending.

Kelsey was my girl, for sure, and my heart is certainly broken. It's so wild and crazy that once you become a mom and bring little ones into your life what hard choices you might be faced with. On some level I'm struggling with how unfair this all was to Kelsey, but the very real fact is that the human kids have to come first. Sooo..I'll continue to leave her crate set up and in place with all of her blankets until I'm ready to let go fully. Kevin would prefer it all to be put away as he likes to mourn with an out of sight out of mind function, but, not me. I've always embraced the sadness in the moment. I think it helps me.

We love and miss you Kels Bels. We will see you again, I'm sure of it. None of this happened because we don't love you. It happened because we DO love you and wanted this to be a choice we chose rather than one that was not made in anger or one what was potentially made for us in the future should any incidents occurred with the boys or any other little ones.

XOXO